Paris.

I don't know, maybe it is or maybe it isn't my favorite place in the world. How about this..? GEOGRAPHICALLY..it's my favorite place. Obviously I'm not going to over ride the happy place of the warmth of my kiddos hugs for a 'almost fell on my ass because I didn't grab the rail' metro trip, but you get my point.

The first trip was 4 years ago. I clamored for months trying to learn at least some of the language. The stuff I would NEED. Anyone can ask for an extra glass of water...without carbonation. I planned on needing the good stuff. "Pardon me sir, I have seriously overeaten and would like the care of a fine physician in a stellar hospital. Can you help me?", or "I am trying to tell you I have the Mother of ALL Hangovers, and am willing to give you much of this multi-coloured paper money to make it go away."

Yes, for what seemed like an eternity, each morning I'd play the same lessons on the stereo in the bathroom telling me how to order a glass of red wine ('vin rouge'), explain how I was going to walk around the block, and then order 'something else'(Autre chose). Nothing about cheese, museums, taxis, or talking my way out of staring at people with really,really bad hair. No I was going to subsist on red wine, walking and something else. For a week.

Here's the deal: if one just tries...tries the language, each time the French have given me extra-super credit, and they open up with their English, and their humor. They become positively helpful. One night I was hungry, which is entirely common while walking past bakery after bakery...when I walked into...a bakery. A boulangerie ."Je voudrais cinq croissant, si vous plait.", I attempt to order 5 rolls. The lovely 50-something lady behind the counter asked if I wanted them in a bag to go, I think. I fumbled to keep up my front. I blurted something out in English. She stopped. Smiled. Slowed the conversation down. "Please. Use your French." And then, she waited. Waited on me to organize a thought, figure out the words and go again. I told her that I would like to take them to go...or I told her to feed the zebra...either way, she smiled hugely, asked for about 3 euros, and we were done. I have been smitten ever since.

Paris is a cheater town though. One can go there, not know a lick about parlez this or parlez that, and probably get along fine. Eating is the most obvious example. The menu will say something that shares a word over here, but means something entirely different there. You may want the "Outback Caesar salad with extra croutons on the side, and instead of Caesar dressing can you bring out a fat free vinaigrette, and maybe..cos we're on vacation and all...maybe get some shrimp (steamed) on the side." Yeah, that ain't happening. But if you want just a salad, and you ask nicely...you might get it. But...as I've learned..but, why would you? It's France, get out of your own way. Order the thing that you wouldn't eat on a bet from your cousin JimBob. Like mom used to say, "try ...one...bite."

My favorite soup in the world is there. In case I didn't express the point earlier, I'm not very fluent in French, so I'm mostly on the "I'll trust you not to kill me, and you'll trust that my ghost won't come back to haunt your cafe'"-plan when it comes to ordering. The soup of the evening had been explained in very, very,very broken English, that it would be a Cream of Celery. Ok...about 98th on Top 100 Campbell's hits, but my survival wasn't in jeopardy. All that other writing on the menu must be talking about the temperate regions the Celery was grown, huh? So the soup hits the table, and well, there's nuts in my soup. No, not the Stillwater kind of nuts, the nuts kind of nuts. Pistachios to be exact. Finely chopped. Sitting in about 4 drops of some sort of oil ON TOP of the CREAM soup. I take a sip and go from thinking thoughts of how many books I'll read in the bathroom, to getting dibs on the bowl across me. There is a couple next to me that have had it before and know what's next. When French people stare at you when you are eating, you ain't eating Campbell's. In the bottom of the bowl, in litta bitty pieces was the foie. I had a big spoonful, smiled at my next table company, and they smiled back. "C'est tres bon."

Sometimes the language really is lost. It's no one's fault, it just is. Things are taken or understood differently. If everywhere was Mobile, Alabama would the world be a better place? I dunno. Mobile may be killer. But how do they get that "O" sound out of "-ault". I mean just look for yourself




It's a beautiful city. Sure the things like the Eiffel Tour and the Louvre are amazing. But the little things are fascinating. The one thing that grabbed me was the produce. So many little places to buy fruit, flowers,...one here, another 2 blocks away. So bright and alive. And it had to be bought today. Now. And it was.







Countless folks walking home with a fresh baguette, a small handful of veggies, and cheese. So simple and uncomplicated. So few really fat people. Usually, the really fat folks were the Americans. Yeah us... I mean if you are going to pass out, why not make it the Louvre?




This last trip was less about fitting into a new culture and more about just riding the tide OF the culture. Seeing museums became secondary to moving in the city. Walking into stores, trying on clothes; or buying glasses, or that fiend, chocolate. No, none of the locals were faked out because I was wearing my brown shoes instead of my Asics, or the fact that I was as tough as they were not needing a big down parka, because yes, I wore the same long handles under my 501's for 7 days, which was really interesting especially when on Day 6 they elastic waistband said,"Enough", and decided to ride about mid-cheek for the rest of the trip. Yeah,...it's not as hot as you may be thinking, even I will admit to that. Especially going from the relative support of jeans to the blousyness of dress pants at the Opera. Yes, I walked around the Opera House yankin on my pants looking like I'm trying to find Mr. Haney to get the ladder to climb up the telephone pole to call the folks back home and tell them about these here singerfolks. And let's just say it was a tad warmish to begin with inside the place without the help of anything out of the Cabela's catalog.

Made me wanna go out and walk around, drinking red wine....or autre chose.

Bands stories like many things in life become better with a little age, especially if there is a person to vouch for the fact/fiction. Nothing actually HAS to have happened, it just has to have been SAID it happened. Now, that said, most of the following is true.

Back in a different time, two of my dearest friends met in undergraduate school. Some people call this "college". Other people with really dumb dreams founded in not keeping normal schedules in life, living in poverty, and being completely unafraid to smell like a cadaver around others, call this 'undergraduate school'. The really afflicted actually GO to medical school. Those who find making fake teeth fun, go to dental school. Yes, it's that simple. These friends were one of each. So to summarize, each had really dumb dreams, smelled poorly at times, and were completely unfazed at studying any and all parts of the human body with great interest. Endlessly. I, on the other hand, could find an end quite easily.

Now the med student is a gifted guitar player. Really. I don't say that because he's my friend,or that he stores my junk, or that I owe him fifty bucks. He's good. He can play anything, although he has a tendency to play really annoying 80's rock. Which at the time was 'current rock'. Or 'Less pre-historic rock', as it may go for now.

I'd been invited to meet the med student/guitar player because I'd opened my mouth one day to the bass player and said I had a drum kit and might want to get together to play. You know, kind of like you want to go to Grandma's and check out her dinner patterns. It sounds good, but 'Please oh, please,...don't call me out on this one.' I got called out.

The order of things were that the Bass player was just getting into playing the bass, and he was friends with the guitar player, so there would be some friendly tutoring going on, and I was friends with the bass player and I had drums. That's it. Everything else like ME being friends with the guitar player and ME actually playing with something other than Genesis records would need to evolve. We reportedly liked the same kind of tunes, so it would be easy to find common ground there. It just needed to be 'painfully easy to play for 2/3rds of this gathering' in order for it to fly.

I recall walking into the guitar player's residence on a Sunday afternoon, and he is shirtless, wearing an unenviable pair of Jamz and his ultra-cool Technics stereo is blasting. I mean really....blasting. He has his guitar on and his amp is...blasting. We walk in, and he doesn't...even...slow...down. For we are coming to THAT part...That part of the song he has been waiting 434 hours of studying to play. The song was REO Speedwagon's "Roll with the Changes". He isn't playing the jangly rhythm part, no. He's playing the lead. And like I said, he's playing along very well. SO well that when he finally quits, the stereo sounds awful. And the stereo is playing....REO Speedwagon.

At this point, I knew I was going to be a huge disappointment to him on drums, because I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to play "Misunderstanding" twenty-five times. But at least the bass player sucks, so I have that going for me. Majority suckage: It Works. Later we would find acceptable singing was a simple luxury we couldn't afford. So we sang anyway. Or I should say, THEY sang, because THEY unplugged my mic without telling me. Front of the stage uproarious laughter ensued. I had a sore throat for 3 days. Jerks.

Somehow, some way we negotiate around a 10x10 water bed in a 12x12 bedroom with me literally in the closet. . Then the epic happens. The guitar player plays a little spot from a song he knows well, just to set his amp volume. We look at each other...think, 'I may know that'...and fire off into what I still refer to as my audition song, Led Zeppelin's 'Rock and Roll'. I get goosebumps just typing that. Realistically it was probably a 6 out of 10, but it was cool. We became a band. And I was in a closet...in a mobile home...in Oklahoma. Which is sorta like Abbey Road studio.

We scramble around and call every apartment complex in the metro to see if we can use their rec rooms for some 'soft folky music' rehearsals. we subsequently were kicked out of each one. We play in the storm shelter at the mobile home park, in all of it's cinder block acoustic glory. Once. It's still echoing down there to this day.

Then somewhere in here we get notice that there is a guitar show going on in Norman on a spring weekend. Fine, it'll give us something to do. We are broke, and bored. But mostly broke. The $6 entry fee cuts into our dinner funds, but 'we are a band, and this what bands do'. Guitar shows are good for finding guitars. They are dead lousy for finding drums, drumheads, and drumsticks whether they be the wooden, chicken or ice cream variety. So I'm back to bored and broker. I lurk with the bass player, who at least has financial resources: a Texaco credit card and an ATM card.

Suddenly, the guitar player comes over to us with this 'way too enthusiastic' look in his eyes. "They-have-one-they-have-one-they-have-one". "They" is a guy with about 6 guitars. "One" is a tobacco-burst Gibson Les Paul Custom. Very similar in style to the one played by Ace Frehley of KISS. Also known as the biggest influence on the guitar player, ever.

We tell him to go see what he'll take for it, and the guitar player said, "He wants $600, but I really think I can get him to come off of it. I mean, look around. He can either sell it to me for my price or drag it back to BFE. Whattayathink?". "Sure", "Sure"

"ok...one problem. Seriously, how much dough can you get ahold of RIGHT NOW?" The bass player and I hem and haw about having a grand total of $14 on our combined persons. We remind him we are: BROKE.

"You guys know I've got the dough...I'll cut you a check as soon as we get home. I need the $600." Laughing trails off as we see how serious he is. I have an ATM card that is to be used only if I'm ever kidnapped by naked women... in a foreign country...on a Tuesday. I have access to $300. The bass player can come up with $250, without a permission slip from the defense department. The guitar player has $50. We are good.

"No way I spend all of it, because he's going to come off that guitar a ton." We walk back to the bored-looking dealer.

"Ok, what's your best price?"

"$600.", he said flatly.

"How about $550?", guitar player asks, winking at us proud of his amazing bargaining skills.

"How about $600?", the still-bored dealer replied.

Clearly confounded, yet undeterred, the guitar player counters with, "What about $595...?"

Smiling, the dealer trumps with, "Sure man,... I'll buy anyone lunch."

The freshly amalgamated (pun intended) rhythm section laughs. "Marilyn" came home with us.

The Ketone Bodies were officially formed. We played a couple school gigs. We were hugely famous among the three of us. Girls called us by our names, mostly because we had classes with them, but that was beside the point. Then graduation came.

Life took over and sent us to different parts of the State. Incomes rose, and somewhere along the line "Marilyn" was revisited and had a major modification. Changing her original pick-ups from the stock 2 pick-ups, to the three pick-ups like that of one Ace Frehley. She glittered with tips of the hat to Elvis and included a name plate over the truss rod cover. She was the first 'real' piece of gear we had, and we cherished her even as new gear (including drums) came into the fold. With an expanding set list and the addition of new members and even better friends, other guitars were employed for practice and gigging. But "Marilyn" would always make a showing for a song or two at our gigs.

One eventful evening we were playing our outdoor show for our 'social riding' friends, when right after a break the guitar player reached to grab "Marilyn" and she simply was gone. A crowd of nearly 1000, out in the middle of a hay field, in the middle of the night. Gone. The crowd was mad, as it looked very poorly on them, what with it being a private-type party, and we were doing it for charity. We simply mourned. We played the rest of the show, and quietly tore down. A police report was filed.

Here's the thing. Bikers can be some of the scariest dudes on the planet. But bikers, especially bikers with a charity cause, can also have influence. Within a matter of hours, the report of the loss of "Marilyn" had hit the radio stations. TV stations in Texas and Oklahoma had picked up the story. The underground of the bikers friends had made it known that there was a bounty out for the guitar.

A phone call was made. Mysteriously, a good Samaritan bought the guitar for $300 but he was willing to eat that to give it back. That was his story. We didn't care. And he's likely glad to have full function of his teeth today. "Marilyn" minus a couple pieces of bling, was home. We were all very grateful.

Tonight, out of the blue, I got a text from the guitar player. He's goofing off in California. Three days of sun and fun, and some jamming with friends. For giggles, he took his old flame on the trip west. He's just going to get up on stage, pull out his $595 guitar, play his licks all these years later, while sweating under the lights on the stage.



Because that's what you do.




When you play with Ace Frehley.

I don't think I'll forget it anytime soon. It was about midnight, I was hanging with two clowns I lovingly refer to as my friends, and the King had just come in from a long day at the hospital, just finishing with a Caesarian section. The Rangers were playing on the TV with the volume down. The King had just kicked back the La-z-boy, finished a coors light, and began a quick descent into sleep. The clowns and I were in the kitchen and the great debate had continued. I concluded as my closing argument, that, "...if I don't check in, she'll come crawling out of her exoskeleton."

In the living room, the King sat up, laughed hardily, cussed the fact that he was now awake, and asked if we wanted a beer, and something to eat.

You see, the King and I instantly became members of the mutual admiration society, and we really enjoy each others company. We don't do it enough. We enjoy stories of each other. We LOVE stories that involve each other. And we really like stories that throw either one of the clowns under the bus.

The King has four kids, all boys. The oldest is a physician. His second oldest is a dentist and has been my co-best friend for 23 years. My buddy is likely the smartest guy I know. The King is likely the smartest guy my buddy knows. And he proclaims it with great pride. Always has. The combination of an incredibly sharp mind, country common sense, and a huge heart, makes for an awesome human being. And a great role model. A rock if you will.

If one was to look at the King, you'd wonder if he could gap your spark plugs right. Old beat-up truck, cheap cigars, and cheap beer. He'd rather grill meat and tell stories than anything, according to my buddy. The ability to tell a story was passed down to my buddy, and yes, he too can spin a yarn. In what may have been the finest backhanded compliment I've ever received (for which I wasn't even there), my buddy was telling the King about an e-mail I'd sent. Now one needs to recall that this is a dentist, speaking of another dentist (me) to a highly regarded physician...the story was told, hilarity ensued, and the King proclaimed, "dang, Geoff really should have gone to California...he should be writing stuff for TV shows." I always enjoyed that line, especially as I was paying off my dental school loans. My buddy says,"You know he thinks you are the funniest thing ever, right?... we all notice how he follows you around like a puppy dog when you are here...just waiting on something to come out your mouth." I chuckled. "No. really,", he said.

But some of this isn't about the King and drinking beer. It's about being a model. Showing what hard work and dedication can do. His sons, all of them, are doing well. They are smart beyond measure, a pleasure to be around, and have kids that are smart and a pleasure to be around. They each go out of their respective ways to make me feel as one of them. They are all wonderful, wonderful folks. Not so subtly they are models to me. Some may say that that is a credit, other now have someone to blame.

Then we fast-forward to this week. The King is sick. I've seen this sick before. I went to visit him a few times. He sleeps a lot. I reacquainted myself with is wonderful family, his cousins, niece, and of course the clown, his son. I stood at the end of the bed of the King, and he looked up in a fog. We were re-introduced. He said, "Of course I know Geoff."

And he laughed.

I ALMOST made it to the truck.

Before I cried.